2006-10-19 - 8:18 p.m.
for anyone who reads this still, lauren left me last wednesday. for a guy that i am friends with. as far as i know he doesn't know yet. she has "intense and overwhelming feelings" for him. they tried over five years ago and it didn't work then. i can't imagine why she wants to try now. she wanted to go to the Gravetones record release party two days after she left me. i thought about it and told her no. what other selfish thing will she come up with next? i understand she's been a long time fan of the band, but i'm in it now. i bankrolled a majority of the album, i wrote songs on it, i play every fucking show. i feel totally justified in telling her she couldn't come. i don't want to see her or talk to her. i can't imagine a conversation going well. i'm sad and hurt and angry. anger and loss are the order of the day. things weren't perfect certainly but i tried really hard in that relationship because i thought that it was worth it. i thought that she was worth it. clearly, i am not worth the same level of effort. so i don't know what else to say. i don't know what will happen now. i feel like i've lost a friend (and more) that i had for almost a decade; and she took herself away.
"Her blood runs hot but her heart beats cold." Ultimate Devotion- Strung Out
