2004-05-24 - 11:30 p.m.
i feel like i have been hit by a truck. yesterday was a 22 hour day. 6:00am sunday to 4:00am monday. i had a wrestling tournament which i won. i then went to great america. i really love that place. i also made a bunch of late night phone calls and mistakes. i screwed up, i fucked up kind of a lot. i didn't mean to. i didn't know how anything would turn out. i should have just turned my phone off. the night would have ended the same way no matter what. it doesn't change the fact that i feel terrible. i have been behaving myself though so that's good. i ran into an old teammate from harper yesterday. his mom asked me about the scars on my shoulders, i told her and everyone else that it is due to a tempermental cat a friend of mine owns. i slept until 2:45pm today. i went to work, my client never showed up. i walked back home and slept until about 9:00pm. my neck hurts, i have a headache. i feel weak as shit. i will be apologizing to jimmy a lot. i asked him for a favor and i called it off, at great inconvenience to him. i made the decisions too quickly, and without enough thought, with too much impulse. i hate impulse. i am so sorry about it i cannot say it enough. something hurts under my mouth. i hate that. so many aspects of my life would be a lot easier if i had a good woman in it. there would be a lot less stupid shit i would concern myself with. i don't know if i'm making any sense. i know pretty much what i want, but i am pretty sure that woman wouldn't want me. by the latter sentences i do not mean to give the impression that i am specifically looking for(or have found) someone, just that there are instances where having a good girlfriend would make certain decisions easier. but that isn't important. i make my mistakes and i usually know when i've done wrong. i've done wrong here. i try so damn hard to do the right thing all the time, it fucks with me a lot when i fail.
"Can't make up for past mistakes, but you know I'm gonna keep on trying." Past Mistakes- 88 Fingers Louie
