2004-12-08 - 1:05 a.m.
tonight i observed chanukah for the first time and realized first hand why celebrating holidays alone is no fun at all. i lit the candles and said the prayers, even bought some challa and ate some of it. it felt quite anti-climactic without anyone else around, i had been looking forward to it all day. i invited kenzo but he couldn't make it. i'm supposed to go to danielle's place one of these nights, but she hasn't gotten a hold of me yet. i took a final today that went pretty well. i have a paper due and a final in the same class on thursday, i'm more worried about that one. tomorrow night is an even called "booze n jews" that i got on some list for and was subsequentally invited to. kenzo might be going with me to that as well, and i certainly will be joined by my good friend loren from the hillel house at uic. i certainly am soaking up all that is jewish and loving every second of it. i cannot say enough how right this whole thing is. i think about the day i go into the mikvah and i get weirdly happy and excited all over again. that is going to be one of the top five(at least) best days of my entire life. i cannot describe how happy this trip is making me. i haven't been all that sad at all recently. it is strange but when i don't think about it, it doesn't bother me. not being depressed used to bother me, like i was forgetting something very important about myself. as long as i avoid thinking like that i don't feel like a sell-out. chances are very good that it will all come down on me sooner or later though. but for now, i'm doing pretty good. haven't heard from rachel in a long time. she's either travelling or not talking to me on purpose. i called her today and do not expect a reply; that sucks. at least return a damn phone call. haven't heard from lindsay in awhile either, well really it has probably only been about two days. very few people return my calls. i don't feel that bad and yet i have become a notorious recluse. the cool thing is that i actually am looking forward to going out tomorrow night. maybe i'll become a person yet...nah. MI T - 19(24hr increments)
happy chanukah
"Does hate mean freedom?" Unearth
