2005-01-12 - 1:15 a.m.
here are the times that i begin to really question everything. i'm holding on a little bit better than i usually do. i'm starting school again. it has been 3 days and i haven't done anything except attend class, i haven't even bought my books yet. at the beginning of the last semester i freaked out over my course load(and lindsay) and proceeded to burst into tears in her lap. its not that bad this time around, but i don't feel like i'm back in school yet. and i have no lap to collapse into. speaking of last semester i didn't think i would, but i did make the dean's list again. i got an A that i really was not expecting. i mus thave kicked the 242 final's ass, which i didn't think i did. i think i've made the list 3 or 4 times now. good for me, i'm sure you're all impressed. why is it that the only girl that seems to be into me is in another state? and even she is presenting me with some issues now. it is sort of causing that whole "turbo bile injection" thing that i tend to often have. goddam copmuter, here we are again. i start to think i'm sailing along and something always knocks me down. though, this isn't as bad as it could be. and mandi is mad at me. i accidentally ditched her last thursday night. i have apologized profusely to her voicemail and no word back. i feel terrible about it. but then again she never makes an effort to hang out with me anyway. i had trouble getting out of bed today. i woke up and realized the last thing i wanted to do was leave my room. i was almost late to my 12:30 class. the class itself is disappointing. it is called bible as literature and it turns out that this semester will only focus on the "new" testament. there was no indication of that in the course catalog. it seems they profs of that class pick which one to do at random. i am quite upset, but i will do it anyway. will i be able to fall asleep? i'm not sure. i'm trying to write myself into a stupor. it is not working. rachel is coming out this weekend and what i referred to above are some issues she is having that are negatively effecting me. goddammit. i can't seem to do anything social properly.
"How many people can I kill?" War Ensemble- Slayer
