2005-02-21 - 11:34 a.m.
well, it's all over between rachel and i now. once again over do to something that i have no power to control. this time it was a 280 mile expanse. we agreed that being a part of each other's lives once a month was just not fulfilling for us. i am upset about it though. she was great. she is gorgeous, sweet, and nice, not selfish at all. if she lived even an hour and a half away it would have been so much different. fuck, it's just not fair that i got a taste of something and then denied it. i was sick as hell all last week, and i'm almost back to form. this thing ending with rachel doesn't help. i can feel it in my head. the heaviness is there. this is the third year in a row i've had a relationship go to shit in a february. Feb. 10, '02:danielle broke up with me, Feb 1 '03 i broke up with jenny, Feb '04 i stop talking to danielle, and now it is over with Rachel. i don't know what will happen between us now. if for some reason she moves to chicago, that would be ideal. we were pretty sad on the phone. the tragic aspect is that there was no problem between us. we got along great. she wasn't emotionally distant, she didn't have any precluding notions, she wasn't terminally selfish; in those ways she was the opposite of all i have dealt with recently. it's just not fair. i might be getting a new job soon, and that is a relief.
"It wasn't you, it wasn't me. And for all times, I wish this moment would last forever, or at least the world stay standing still, at least for me." VNV Nation
