2005-03-01 - 12:28 a.m.
fuck diaryland are you getting it from me lately. ok, not going too well. i was shaking not too long ago and near tears. fucking internet. i have a project tomorrow that is going to fucking bomb in front of people no less, and it isn't even my fault. i;m freaking out about that. and there's more of course. i can't get into it right now, i have to see what happens first, then i'll report back to my dear readers. apprehension and anxiety. they are my friends and they are coursing through my veins right now. how the fuck am i going to fall asleep tonight? there's too much going on upstairs to let that happen right now. i feel fatigued and amped at the same time. look at me put importance into the mundane. look at me go off on this shit that doesn't matter to anyone else. i hate it. i don't like shaking like this. if i was a smoker i would be next to on fire right now. my fingers tremble on the keys. i am alight with mania. i am afraid and unsure of everything. i hope that tomorrow, it all matters so much less. or maybe something will matter enough to make this all go away. see, i swear to fucking god that i am an optimist. and that is the fucking proof. i believe change and better outcomes are possible, but it is crushing to live without.
Razorblade Kiss- HIM
