2005-03-24 - 4:28 p.m.
so it's spring break and this one hasn't been too bad. they usually are. this one has been about neutral. i am starting a new job on monday, very exciting. i think i need a new environment to get me excited about working again. i don't have all of too much to say. i went out last night, it was very uninteresting. i should really not make an effort to go see girls that i'm not interested in. i've been feeling sexually frustrated and i hate it. no outlet whatsoever. it seems i stay (or have stayed) in relationships that don't give me what i want because something seems to be better to me than nothing. i lack the confidence to say "you're not giving me what i deserve so goodbye". i have never been able to do that. instead i just hold on fighting battles that are impossible to win. i hope the next time i'm in a situation like that i will be able to do the right thing. but i know that i'm not entitled to anything. i know that there are people who are lonely and failures their whole life. i don't think that is me, i know it isn't, but i know it happens. life does not hand anyone anything. i also hate entitlement, i'm not entitled to getting what i want in any situation. that doesn't mean i won't try, but i know bad things happen to good people. i am a good person. i'm not a victim, i've had some bad things happen, but many people have been through similar things and more have been through worse. well, anyway, tonight is Purim and i'm going to have some fun.
"I'd kill myself for you, I'd kill you for myself." This Love- Pantera
