2005-08-13 - 6:19 a.m.
i'm back from denver. it wasn't as akward as i was expecting. rather fun actually. i ate a lot of good food and worked out a lot. grammy is doing well and so is the rest of the family.
still lonely. i'm on the precipice of something with someone but she has failed me before and i don't know why i'm expecting anything now. i'll be fine with it. i feel good even though i'm all types of lonely. i see myself single and i have trouble seeing myself any other way. i don't have a fear of committment, i perpetually fear that anyone that's special to me will leave me. they all have.
i think about lindsay occasionally. i made a mistake in thinking that someone like her would want to be with me. she's one of them. she is of a mindset that is so far removed from mine that i don't think she could ever understand where i'm coming from. she cannot concieve of it. and that is all right. she, and almost everyone lacks the ability to understand me. no one understands me, well danielle pretty much does. this sounds like self-important drivel but i don't mean it that way. i'm not special because of it, but i'd be lying to myself and everyone else if i didn't admit that it does make me different.
i have a show tomorrow night.
"You say that you're my friend but you're one of them, them, them." My War - Black Flag
