2005-08-27 - 12:22 a.m.
you haven't let me out in awhile. did you miss me? you need me to talk to you every once and a while. you need to remember who hates you. you need to remember that i have never left, nor will i ever leave you. i lie in waiting at the end of every thought hoping to bring it down. the only truth i give to you is failure. you think you can beat me? i've been winning your whole life. i am what makes you hate. i am what sets you apart. without me you would be like them. i know that when you spend too much time alone you think about the past and when you realize how much time has gone by it crushes you to think that even more than that is left still to pass. you wonder how you will ever see your way through. i can't say that i will help. i will be there but you are trying to get rid of me more and more. you barely gave me this opportunity. what do you want? are you trying to remember how intense it all was? how exhilerating it can be? i don't have much to say to you right now. except that i know what you've been thinking about and it scares the hell out of you. you've been on it for three weeks(of five years) now. you should have this one figured out. this is not something that should even be crossing your mind. you're proving them right. and you hate it. can you bury it away? you've done it before in so many circumstances. but a voice cries out to you, a new one that claims it can be heard. what will you do about it? i don't know. neither do you. but this time i lack the ability to make you hate your way through it. sucks don't it. before you could put up a wall of anger and you could get by; you wish you still could. maybe we can work back to that. but you aren't sure you want to try. i'm getting sick of looking at you being "in" this. one thing's for sure, something will happen. don't you hate it when i'm cryptic?
