2005-09-01 - 3:32 p.m.
i can feel it coming on. this is not something i should have any opinion on at all right now. there is stuff more important than this. what i think i am doing is using one situation to drive myself into a type of rage that will numb the other situation. cryptic cryptic cryptic.
even so i have a desire to let it consume me. it feels good to be mad. and she is so far away that it really doesn't make any difference. and as usual someone always finds someone better after they ditch me. that's how it goes. as i am fond of saying: i am a stepping stone to a better life.
i am busy as fuck these days. i am liking it. as long as i have time to lift weights i don't care what else i do. i am often left for someone who is a skinny dork that i could physically decimate. though truthfully there are a lot of people i could do that to. i have felt a strange urge for physical confrontation lately. i won't fight anyone, but i have been thinking about getting into UFC competitions. what a life. it is so basic, so primal. have you ever seen someone burn themselves out as a flame?
so yeah. another time in my life where i have very little idea of what to do, why i am the way i am and what anything means.
"So here we are again to experience the bitter scalding end."- Bad Religion
"Don't want no woman beside him; just make it fast and rude." Rattlehead- Megadeth
