2005-09-06 - 1:15 p.m.
so i did it. i had the conversation that had been biting at the back of my mind for about a month now. it was all wrong, i didn't want to have it when i did. but given the things she was saying i had no choice but to launch into it. she did not recoil in horror as i had feared. as it stands she was receptive. we went over a lot of things, most of which i anticipated. we still have no clear answer and currently it isn't bothering me. nothing has ever been remotely average about us and now is no different.
most important things said: " i know that i love you in a way i have never loved anyone else" that was her. and i said the same thing and meant it. she's the second one who gets that distinct honor, but it is a very different feeling. as i said to her, i have an enormous wealth of emotion that i have no idea what to do with. i do want to be with her, and i believe she wants to be with me. if i am wrong i will not leave her like i tried last time, that was her biggest fear. she told me she can't live without me. and she'll never have to. i love her in a way that i don't know if i'll ever understand.
so right now i'm doing my best not to be selfish and not get all depressed because i don't have an answer. and shockingly it is working. i feel all right. it is more complicated than i am letting on in this forum; there's a lot to this but these are the basics. something will happen and it will be of fundamental importance.
"You could do no wrong in my eyes." Better- Good Riddance
