2005-10-16 - 10:02 p.m.
observing. working. classes at UIC. homework. The band. travel time. these are the things that are choking me. i don't mind it too much right now. i've been feeling stressed and sometimes that leads to me getting depressed but it hasn't happened yet. i went on a date last night. it was all right, but like the last few i've been on, i'll probably never see her again. meh. there's worse things. and better things. my friend debbie bought me a steak the other night. and it was damn good. then proceeded to beat the hell out of me at pool. i have t observe tomorrow morning. and wrap up a lesson that ran over on friday. it was the first time i taught something all on my own. it was fun. i liked it a lot. the students called me Mr. K. i like that too. the Gravetones will doing a music video and will even have the album out soon. thank the lord.
as for emotions and feelings...i'm getting back to that thing that i do where i have a lot of trouble talking about what i'm feeling. it is very hard to get to and isolate. i know i'm not happy, but i can't figure out why. i can see my subconscious pushingthe shitty feelings down, but i don't know how to get to them to get them out. it frustrates the hell out of me. and they break their way out at the worst times.
they have been threatening to curtail my work-out priviledges at the gym. i cannot fucking believe it. they cannot take that away from me. i can say with certainty that i need to lift weights. i cannot live without it. i told them i would quit if they made me stop. we'll see how all that goes.
i sent lindsay a text message friday night on a whim. i sent her the exact same message she sent me two weeks ago. i haven't heard back and doubt that i will.
"And if you leave him let him know" ?- Death From Above 1979
