2005-12-07 - 08:37 p.m.
i gave up on ignoring her. once she caught on i knew there was no way i would continue. i just felt so helpless. i can't change her feelings,(and i would feel tainted even if i somehow could) but damn i feel rejected.
that seems to be my cycle: a woman comes to mean worlds to me, and then she decides not to be with me and i try to convince her otherwise. it feels like a sickening fight. i don't want to fight about things like that. some great woman should just like me. i don't think she has a full grasp on what the problem is. i think it something in her keeping her, it's not me. as i've said before, i don't think she'll ever understand it. i am trying to adopt a safe distance so i can keep from getting hurt. the fucked up part is that she doesn't like it when i do that. frankly i don't like it either, but i cannot think of anything else to do. i'm not going to leave her(i promised her that i would never do that again). she put up these new pictures that are very attractive, it didn't help me forget.
i'm trying to move on. i met a girl and got her phone number at the informal reunion. her name is julie. she seems nice(she actually returns phone calls). but due to scheduling concerns we have not been able to go out yet. chances are that we will soon. i'm trying to stay optimistic, but then again we haven't even gone out yet.
it is very, very cold out.
and in better news, this semester is finally over.
"Tell my friend Willie Brown" - Crossroads- Robert Johnson
