2006-04-23 - 11:30 p.m.
so it felt like a dream. like it didn't happen. and at the same time so little happened that i knew it was real. as is the analogy for this situation, i wanted more or everything. as it looks right now i won't get it. i can sit here and hope (and i am hoping) that something will change but i cannot count on it. she is beautiful. her face is so expressive. i read the emotions off of her face and i want to end any doubt she has. but i can't do that for her. i don't think there's anything wrong with me, i think she just is in a certain place right now. one that does not include me in the way i want. i won't fight her.
we talked of boundaries. i don't want any boundaries with her. i want to share it all without fear. and yet i can't put my life on hold even though i feel like i want to. if she finds her way back again, we'll see what situation i'm in.
one thing is for sure: we missed each other, a lot. that is meaningful.
"And we all want so much more, we're all waiting for the show to begin here at the edge." Cemetary- Strung Out
